I'm going to briefly share some of my devotional notes from the last two days. This is not long and the context is slightly removed but I think it's important. Yesterday, when thinking about mutuality in mission and what mutuality means I wrote the following:
"It means not casting people aside for differences but listening to how those differences can lead to a more whole mission. By ourselves we cannot hope to accomplish anything but self praise and a pat on our own back for mission requires the other and the other requires mutuality; for if mutuality is not there the mission will collapse, the other will leave, and even a pat on the back will seem impossible."
Today we struggled with doubts and encouragement. We read the call story of Jeremiah and I found that so refreshing to point out the call of somebody who is not Isaiah. This is my reflection on it:
My doubts are numerous and constant.
Can I live the life of a missionary?
Can I do what's expected of me?
Will I fail for lack of trying or fail even with my whole self being devoted?
Can I stand up for my faith?
Will I crumble under pressure?
Is there no one better?
There must be for I am too broken and frail.
My comfort is not words.
It is not trust.
It is not.
No, I know God will be there.
I am not so foolish to think God would abandon me.
He stays with His prophets.
But prophets die and they cry out:
"My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?"
Even Jesus cries out in this way.
My call is not so large.
Not so difficult.
Me message is not so dangerous as:
"Repent o' Israel for you have broken your covenant."
But if that should be of any comfort it is not.
No, indeed my comfort is scripture.
It is Jeremiah, and Jonah, and Jesus.
I am not the first to doubt.
I am in good company.
"Not I Lord" is Biblical.
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